Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category


Posted: October 14, 2012 in Personal, poverty, Status

I was fired from my job on October 5th. I thought i had a shot at one of the positions available with the restructure. I have medical insurance until the end of the month and 2 whole weeks of severance pay. I am devastated. I was struggling before but now I am fighting for every meal. I feel like a total cliche. Single mom, unemployed, can’t afford medication that I need in order keep a job. Loosing my car so I can’t look for a job anyway. I thought I had friends at work, some kind of a support network. They have all vanished since I got fired. I battle to keep from loosing control… To keep from giving up. I can’t take care of myself much less my daughter, my son, and my unemployed boyfriend. I can’t help but think they would all be better off financially if I wasn’t here.

I had the overdraft settings wrong on my account. I am now $241 overdrawn. I have to pay $350 on the 20th to keep the Internet on, plus $300 in other bills. I can’t afford the car. I already lost the insurance so the state is going to seize the plates for 30 days. What am I suppose to do then? I don’t have 30 days left. I don’t have relatives or even a church to ask for help. It’s just me and the whole world is against me. Oh say what you will: “It isn’t personal” or “It’s just business.” It feels personal to me. It feels like disappearing and no one noticing. I have a college degree. I have experience. I have a child who needs me. What do I do?


Are you serious?

Posted: September 23, 2012 in Personal

I made it through the last seven days. John begged money from his mom and Carissa loaned me 300. I should be happy but right now the last seven days seems like a holiday.

I got notice Friday that my company is combining my team with another. So there will not be room for everyone. I have to apply for one of the new slots. I am competing with at least 3 other people from my original team.

I. Am. Lost. I can’t think about this. I can’t be unemployed. I CAN’T.

The next 7 days!

Posted: September 15, 2012 in Personal
Tags: ,

A picture is worth 1000 words. Too bad it isn’t $1000 bucks.


The day the lights went out

Posted: September 13, 2012 in Personal, Status

I guess I am lucky. It could have been worse. I was way behind on the cable bill. I know your going to say if I have cable and Internet then I am not poor. That’s fine but what little my boyfriend earns he makes via E-Bay. And I do mean little. It’s usually less than $300 a month but I need that $300. Without it this whole carefully constructed house of cards falls apart. It’s not like I had paid it in three months anyway. But they got fed so I had to make payment arrangements. $185 by 5pm Tuesday. I paid it, which left my bank account at:


My whole life saving. I don’t have stocks or bonds or annuities. I don’t even know what an annuity is but I know I don’t have any. I have sold all my gold and silver jewelry. It was enough to buy food one month. There is no secret stash. No reserve. Nothing except $74 bucks. I was just happy it was positive.

Only… It wasn’t the cable company I was suppose to pay. It was the electric company. I screwed up, a fact I became aware of yesterday when they cut off my power at 9:30 in the morning.

It could have been 100 degrees. It could have been the middle of winter. I was lucky. $185 to turn it back on. I paid it and watched the text message pop up from my bank informing me I was now $109.20 overdrawn. It took 7 hours to turn the power back on.

My boyfriend deposited my son’s contribution for the week along with everything he had from E-Bay. That brings us to a positive $170.80 as of 3pm yesterday. I bought a pair of Hello Kitty rain boots for Eva that I can stash until Christmas. I was on empty so I got gas. I spent $25 on groceries. Which brings us to today and a total net worth of:


Car payment-unpaid
Car insurance-cancelled
Days worth of food-4
Gas-1/2 a tank
Sleep-1.5 hours
Net worth-in the black $53.23

In the span of 48 hours, my net worth dropped 248% then showed marked improvement while still demonstrating an overall loss of 28.1% for the period.

I was lucky.

What’s up buttercup?

Posted: September 13, 2012 in Personal
Tags: ,

I never thought about money as a kid. My mom was a waitress so there was always change floating around. I wasn’t an “asker” anyway. When my grandmother, a bonafide child of the great depression, handed me her Montgomery Wards card to buy school clothes it made me feel special. I never thought she was using it because we had no other options.

Now I think about money.

Sometimes it’s all I think about.

It isn’t that I am some Scrooge McDuck. Just the opposite. I think about it because I have to. This recession, economic crisis, whatever they call it, it has changed my life. Used to be, when I didn’t have money for something it was always because I was broke. Broke is a temporary condition. Broke fixes its self. Broke is what you are after a night at a mobile carnival. No one really judges you if you are broke.

I am not broke. I am poor. This is a persistent condition. It doesn’t go away without a miracle or a good Hollywood writer. Poor eats itself to death. Poor takes the back way home so the kids don’t get hurt when you pass a mobile carnival and have to say no again. Everyone judges you if you are poor.